One day I WILL find my spine.

Here’s something worth knowing about me – I’m a complete pushover.

Want to get me to do something? Not care what I think about you after it? Just go right ahead and employ the steamroller, I’ll cave. How do I do this? How do I say right out, “I don’t want to do this” and still end up doing it? How do I stand up for what I want and end up being the awkward one?

Dear goodness, I am HOPELESS.

So today I got a ‘phone call related to last week’s meeting, where I found out that the decisions I had been encouraged to make about 12′s future respite were summarily overturned when her Social Worker reported what her boss had decided. I said, “hey, listen, what was talked about last week wasn’t anything like the decision I made, I was asked to make and I don’t like it. It didn’t work before and I see no reason to think it’s going to work now.”

So, after a long conversation where I said, “I think we should just stick with what we have now, it’s working and we all like it, more importantly [12] likes it”, I a going to another meeting in a fortnight to discuss THE VERY THING I SAID I DIDN’T WANT.

Someone smack me. Or someone come and speak for me because clearly I cannot speak for myself. If I told that to someone who actually knows me they would be amazed.

Clearly those who deal with me know if they just plough on with what they want I will cave. They play me. They know that, like every other parent, I want to do what is best for my child, so they come along with, “she needs this”, or, “this will help with …” How can I say no?

I am going to start making notes and speaking up and not being worried about whom I upset because they aren’t worried about upsetting me.

Now I’m off to find my backbone, I know I had one once.

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Tagged as: children, daughter, decisions, family, parenting, respite