While she napped, I thought. Just what is the best way forward after yesterday’s ‘phone call from school? It seems clear that this is likely to be an ongoing issue. If you remember we had a similar call a couple of weeks ago and then again while we took our second son to Uni. to begin his second year. That’s a lot of similar calls in a short space of time. If we rule out the option that I am unable to spot signs of illness in my own child, what other factors are there?
One thing I have noticed is that all bar the first one are Thursdays. I work on Thursdays, could my daughter know this and have anxiety about me not being in the house? For that matter, would she have known that I was also going to be making the trip to take her brother back to uni? The answer to that would seem to be to give up work. Well, on many levels I wouldn’t mind and in fact there is a voice telling me this is what I ought to do. The downside would of course be the financial hit on my family. I have two kids in uni and one in her final year before uni. Shudder. However, if it would help my youngest I would do it. It wouldn’t do much to help in bringing her home from school as I don’t drive. I KNOW! Who doesn’t drive? Well, me. I learnt with my dad but didn’t sit a test because of exams and then other things and let’s be honest, lack of interest, got in the way. Now my eyesight is too bad to drive, even if I had a licence I don’t think I would be safe since my distance judgment is shot.
It could be that my daughter simply doesn’t like something about her class, or what happens on Thursdays, or something else connected with school. This needs to be discussed with school. We need to see if they notice any triggers, beyond their suspicion I knowingly send a sick child to school.
Final option, I quit work, get written permission to take her out of school and see to the final years of my daughter’s compulsory education myself. What holds me back on this? Socialisation. My daughter is severely learning impaired, she has only a few words, she cannot read although she loves books and being read to, she cannot write, or even really scribble. Any crafts are done in the hand-over-hand method, in other words, someone has to guide her. All her needs have to be met by someone. What school does provide is the chance to be with people other than me, let her experience new things and most importantly, be with friends her own age.
I, however, have to think that perhaps it is time to step into the role of education provider as well as care provider if she dislikes school so much it is making her ill or making her behave as if she is ill in order to come home.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment either here or Tumblr, or Facebook. I truly appreciate it.
I hope this Friday brings you some peaceful moments and that your weekend is filled with joy and rest.
© 2012, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.
Sherry - I’d say you have made your decision and that you are following your heart and your instincts. A mother can never go wrong when she does that.
Thursday does seem to be a trigger, whether it’s something happening in the school on Thursday or her innate knowledge that you are not at home — your daughter is responding to something on her own instinct level.
The socialization is important without question. Perhaps a home school component where you are part of an organization that offers time together with other home schooling families. Or a search for other social groups where your daughter would be included to round out what you are able to give her.
Your heart will guide you. xo
Jenny Fisher - Thank you for sharing your thoughts. A complex and compelling time. So difficult balancing all the needs as well as your own. Listen to your heart as well as your head. Look forward to hearing more from you.
Jenny Fisher - Forgot to add, your photos are so loving and gentle and love the connection in the last one
Penbleth - Thank you Jenny. I really appreciate that.
Debbie - How wonderful to see a mother using social media to address her concerns on her child’s welfare. It is so important to think these things through, and writing helps us do that like nothing else does. Sometimes schools gravitate toward drama, which is always counterproductive. And sometimes, educators work really very hard to help a child, sometimes to no avail. The pressures on your baby must be enormous, or at the least, difficult to understand (for your daughter and for you). Find what gives you strength, be it information, resources, friends or chocolate. You will see this child through. Just take good care to see yourself through as well, as you are doing in this lovely, lovely post. All best, Debbie
Wendy - Ohhhh, I imagine many sleepless hours mulling over all of this… I hope writing it out has helped (it seems to…)
I faced a similar challenge a few years ago with my daughter. She needs extra rest-time – the typical school schedule is far too gruelling/stimulating for her. So I rec’d my own fair share of calls over the years to pick her up: she’s sick, she’s seizurey, she wants to come home, I’m obviously creating a monster, etc. (Okay, the last one was a bit of embellishment on my part… But it’s how I felt.)
So I’d feel judged. And angry. And proud. And helpless. Looking back, I know that barrage of emotions muddied some decisions I made, including my decision to homeschool her for a brief period (“Why not just keep her at home? Never hear from her school again?! Such bliss….”)
It wasn’t a mistake to pull her out. It didn’t go as I imagined but what does? I learned a lot. And she did, too, I think.
These days, she is back in school (with a more understanding, flexible special education team), but she is in control of whether she goes on any day, and how long she stays. We don’t know how much her brain has to work to get through a typical day — so who are we to assume that the current standard (x hours, five days a week) is at all appropriate for her?
This is what works for us. And I don’t think we would have arrived here without taking a break from school altogether. We needed it.
You want this situation to change, obviously. It sucks for your daughter and it sucks for you. You could decide to take baby steps and have her stay at home on Thursdays for a month or so (to dig deeper into the Thursday mystery!) or you may decide to jump in with both feet with homeschooling. Either way, it won’t be a mistake. You’ll get something out if it. And so will she.
Good luck to you both! The adventure continues…
(And I, too, love the photos. There is something so loving and familiar in them…)