Evenings, when our youngest has gone to bed, are a time when we can take a deep breath and relax. It doesn’t matter how well the day has gone as a parent you are still on duty, when your child is asleep that duty, the watchfulness can notch back somewhat. Part of our evening routine for the last few years has been going to check on our youngest every hour or so to make sure her eyelid is not swelling or flipping over. The checking of last evening was for naught this morning because when she woke the problem had returned.
This is unsettling for our daughter, not painful but unpleasant. Some mornings the eyelid returns to normal easily with a slight stroke along the skin. Today unfortunately wasn’t one of those days.
I have called her school bus driver to let him know she won’t be at school today. Later I will of course call the school to let them know why she isn’t with them.
The other call I will make is to my work to tell them I won’t be there today. This recurring problem has already used up this year’s allowance of parental/carer’s leave, it will have to come out of my holiday entitlement. I cannot help but initially feel stressed about this. These incidents highlight how I cannot completely commit to being anywhere, I can make plans, I can have the desire and intention but if something happens with or to my youngest then all of those are set aside while I remain at home to take care of her.
It isn’t really any wonder that my mind goes round and round with possibilities and options, thinking through the same few things over and over and never getting anywhere. These are the decisions with which parents of younger children have to deal and parents of special needs children never leave behind. With no one else, or no other care-giving day care, capable of looking after our daughter for any length of time the responsibility lies totally, solely and completely with us.
I hope your day is significantly less stressed and fraught.
© 2013, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.