She has no trouble finding her ease, no problem with worries or concerns. Whoever said, “it’s a dog’s life”, and meant it disparagingly never actually saw a dog, or at least a loved one.
This year I have been working on my life. That sounds rather grand, or pretentious. I have been taking a good long look at myself, what I do, what I want to do, with what and whom I want to surround myself. I have to say, so far it has been worthwhile.
It’s easy to begin to feel that life is happening to you, to me. Easy to fall into a place of dissatisfaction without being clear about that dissatisfaction’s cause. As I wrote yesterday, the mid-40s are weird. They are however a good time to take stock, yes, it’s cliché time. Trite but true.
I have spent the first months of this year, and indeed the last few months of last year thinking hard about what I want to do with my life. I know, I’m a bit late getting to the what-do-you-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up stage. I have asked myself questions, made myself be honest about what I want, what I like and where I want to be in the future. I have also made myself speak up for me. You know what, the world didn’t end, no one said I was out of line, in fact when I finally got up the courage to tell people about some of the things I wanted to do they were completely supportive. I wonder why that surprised me? That’s a thought for another day.
The other thing I realised, if I am happy with something, then it doesn’t matter that it happened through the course of events rather than by conscious decision and if I’m not, then I can own that, think through alternatives and make changes. I don’t have to accept anything, including my own patterns, if they no longer fit me. I am allowed to own my life, my decisions and their consequences, as long as I am willing to accept the latter then I am able to make changes where needed. And as long as I am willing to accept my patterns nothing is going to change in line with my hopes, plans and desires, but rather at the behest of time itself and perhaps the will of others.
I found it liberating.
I also found that actually I am mostly pretty happy.
And that’s enough naval gazing for one Friday evening.
Enjoy your weekend.
© 2014, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.