A Life Not Quite Perplexed »

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Not as still as she seems.

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The image belies the truth. The quiet relaxation of the pose hides the rising tide of erratic behaviour we has hoped long past.

Days when we could leave her for a while with her grandparents or allow her siblings to watch her for the few minutes it takes to run a short errand look as if they are passing.

I hope that what has shown itself this week is a residual effect of the seizure she experienced on Monday but I know that it has been building for weeks. Perhaps so too has the seizure.

Perhaps they are nothing to do with each other.

I fear the cruel irony that would give us a few years of settled, happy behaviour is coming to a close just to leave us squarely back with a young woman who cannot be trusted not to lash out at those taking care of her.

While so many others feel that burst of new hormones in their early teens and find the next few a challenge, our daughter has sailed through them happy and contented. Now, as she approaches her sixteenth birthday later this summer the edginess seems to have returned.

Or she is just thrown after her seizure.

Time will tell.

However your Friday finds you, I wish you peace and happiness.

Lynn x

© 2014, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.

Gentle moments of today.

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Her happy smile when I admire her plait when she returns from school.

Knowing that she had some fun and some gentle tending there today after her stint in hospital.

The joy I feel in her presence, relishing the bond we share.

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A quiet moment of togetherness, the gentle comfort of her paw in my hand.

The warmth of her fur, the scent of her skin.

Allowing peace to fill me in these moments and begin to restore what still feels so delicately raw.

And a wish for peace and happiness for you too today.

Lynn x

© 2014, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.

Dawn Tucker - Just reading of your few days of anguish. It’s not silly to be afraid – goodness knows I think most of us would feel the same.
I’m so glad 15 is feeling better now and hope you can all enjoy the weekend together. I love her plait by the way, it’s beautiful.
Sending love your way.

A ‘phonecall, a hospital visit.

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An early morning telephone call, a drive to the hospital.

Worry and fear constant companions.

The overwhelming flood of relief that she is well. The seizure during respite severe but not damaging.

She’s awake, she knows us, she’s not going to die.

Because that is the fear. Every single time that is the dread.

The day of what would have been endless waiting for tests and results not a strain because she is alive.

Knowing it is silly to fear the end from one seizure.

Knowing and feeling are two different things. Fear knows no bounds, especially when we love.

Today all is well. So far. So far, no problem.

So I take a deep breath and have to put the worry out of my mind and silence the voice that says, quietly but persistently at the back of my mind, “just wait, the other shoe will drop.”

Sending you love.

Lynn x

© 2014, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.

janet isserlis - sending love to all of you

i’m so sorry for this worry, hoping she’s feeling more herself

just love.

only love

Kimberley McGill - I am so so glad to know all is well right now! So sorry you and she had to go through this. Sending you much love and wishes for ease and wellness. <3

katydidsays - xoxo hugs, friend. <3

And still I rise.

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Today Dr. Maya Angelou died peacefully in her sleep.

I wonder if, when she first day down to write, Dr. Angelou had any idea of how many people would be affected by her words, would find comfort, strength and encouragement and challenge within them. Her writing was not restricted to one time or place but spoke to taking ownership of one’s self as well as admitting weaknesses. In the face of oppression she stood tall and firm and in her strength others found courage.

Today as I have thought about her and how her books and poetry have impacted me I find myself repeating, “and still I rise. I know I am often prone to see bleakness and walls instead of hope and opportunities when I think about the future. Today I find myself forced to recognise that others have overcome much more severe circumstances and have risen victoriously.

So I will leave you with Dr. Angelou’s words and encouragement that we all can rise. Yes, we can.

And Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

May Angelou 4th April 1928 – 28th May 2014.

© 2014, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.

Gerri - Pure inspiration…

There and back again.

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For months respite has been sketchy, demands on resources by children in crisis, small bouts of illness for 15, have lead to a long gap since the last visit. This time there were no hindrances.

Bags were packed. 15 was ready and eager.

Laughter on the journey. Smiles when we arrived to find her friend also present.

This morning the return and for the first time, tears. Joy at a morning outing turned to sorrow as she said goodbye, not wanting to leave her pal.

This afternoon returning time and again to her overnight bag in the hope at one time of bringing it to me will lead to a return.

This small break, so valuable for us when she was smaller is no less important for her, a chance to have something just for her. An opportunity in familiar surroundings to spend time with friends or enjoy a trip.

Precious resources so many lack, I am so grateful we have the chance to access them.

However your day finds you I wish you a good one.

Lynn x

© 2014, Penbleth / L. McG.-E.. All rights reserved.